Meet Cute at the Well

It's as reliable a clue as when Jim first talks to Pam at the desk of Dunder Mifflin

John 4

The first time farm-boy Wesley says to Buttercup, “As you wish,” you know how the story is going to end. And because you know how it will end, you know Wesley the farm boy is not dead. You know he’s really the Dread Pirate Roberts.  And even when he’s mostly dead, you know he’s not gonna die because you know that’s not how true love stories go.

And when John tells you that Jesus meets a woman at a well, this Sunday’s lectionary gospel text, all the stories of scripture, all the Old Testament reruns, they all lead you to expect…a wedding.

Just as surely as you know how its going to go as soon as Billy Crystal ride shares his way back to New York City with Meg Ryan, all the storytelling conventions of scripture tell you what to expect when John tells you that Jesus meets a woman at a well.

Abraham’s son, Isaac, he went to a foreign land and there at a well he met a woman who was filling her jar. And guess what Isaac said to her? “May I have some water from your jar?” And Rebekah said to him, “Yes, and I’ll draw water for you camels too.” And just like that, before you know it, they’re getting married.

Their son, Jacob, he went east to a foreign land, and in the middle of a field surrounded by sheep he comes to a large, stone well. And there approaching the well, Jacob sees a shepherdess, coming to water her sheep, Rachel.  And this time Jacob doesn’t ask the woman for water, he goes directly to her father and asks to marry her. And before you know— well, after laboring for her father for seven years— they’re getting married. When Moses fled Pharaoh of Egypt, he goes to a foreign land and sits down by a well. And there, says the Book of Exodus, a priest of Midian comes to the well with his seven daughters and their flock of sheep. A group of shepherds gather at the well too and they start to harass the priest’s daughters. Moses steps in to defend them and quicker than, ‘You had me at hello,” Moses is getting married to one of the priest’s daughters, Zipporah.

Ditto King Saul.

Ditto the lovers in the Song of Songs.

And so on and so forth.

It’s a type scene, a cliche, a contrivance, a storytelling convention.

Isaac, Jacob, Moses and all the rest— they all meet their prospective wives at wells in a foreign land.

When John opens his scene in chapter four, he’s banking on your reaction being, “I’ve seen this story before.”A man comes to a foreign land and there he finds a maiden at a well. He asks her for a drink. She obliges and more so, and then, faster than Faye Dunaway falls for Robert Redford in Three Days of the Condor, the maiden runs back to get her people to witness and bless their union.

This is the way the words always run.

So when John tells you that Jesus goes to a foreign country, Samaria, and meets a woman at a well and asks her for a drink, you might as well cue up the jazz flute baby-making music because all the scenes of scripture have prepared you for what to expect. Meeting a woman at a well— it’s as reliable a clue as when Jim first talks to Pam at the front desk of Dunder Mifflin. You know they’re going to get married!

By the way, don’t forget the first miracle, sign, Jesus performs in John’s gospel in chapter two is in Cana where Jesus is a wedding guest. And how, right before this passage, in John three, Jesus refers to himself, cryptically so, as the bridegroom. And now here in chapter four he’s in a foreign land, at a well, asking a woman for a drink of water.

If this meet cute at a well is a biblical trope, then why doesn’t Jesus follow the script? It’s not hard. It’s like swiping right on Tinder. In scripture all you have to do is ask a girl at a well for a drink of water and someone’s practically already shouting mazel tov.

If that’s what John has cued up for us, then why does Jesus go from asking for a drink of water to talking about Living Water? And why does this woman, who according to the convention is supposed to be a maiden, instead seem to have more baggage than Princess Vivian in Pretty Woman?